quarta-feira, 29 de julho de 2009

Fatalidade Conjugal

Eras a catraia dos contos de «Era uma vez...». Sempre o senti. Respiravas e transpiravas especialidade, originalidade e beleza natural. Estavas morena, tom que sempre apreciei. Eras média, tamanho que sempre me enlouqueceu. Tinhas umas mãos bem-tratadas, coisa que sempre me agradou. Falavas em canto pardaleiro, um misto de harpa e violino. Andavas como na "passerelle" floral de uma Primavera qualquer. Sorrias como quem dança. Dançavas como quem sorri. Tinhas tom e toque de donzela, mas genética de empreendedora. Tinhas um discurso fluente, inteligente e consciente. Não dizias bobeiras, nem bobagens. Amavas como quem canta "karaoke".

Eras amada de um jeito especial, quero que saibas. Após o 'terminus' fatal, tornei-me frígido e distante. Nunca senti nada assim. Aliás, acho que nunca sentirei nada por alguém assim.
Um misto de consciência da distância com prazer de recordação. Eu amo-te, nunca duvido disso. Mas não sou capaz de te amar a 100%. Valorizo-me e sei os meus limites. Sei que mereces infinitamente mais do que este corpo, tantas vezes insuficiente, até i-líbido. Não há viagra psicológico que possa salvar este nosso status amórfico.

Eu e tu somos únicos. Qualquer ser humano que se preze afirma-se assim. Nós somos impecáveis, mas equidistantes. Fomos afastados pelos condicionalismos naturais. Foi, com certeza, um Deus matemático ou arquitecto que nos precipitou nesta vala. Transportou-nos para cenários paralelos, sem encontros informais. Não há cafés, nem cinemas, nem discotecas, que nos retirem esta clausura artificial. Vivemos assim, como alguém quis.

Não desvalorizamos as diferenças ou não fomos capazes de valorizar as semelhanças. Estamos um para o outro como a Coca-Cola para a Pepsi, como o Burger King para o Mc Donald's: os verdadeiros apreciadores sabem que a concorrência é natural, mas de certa forma artificial; há um melhor que outro, são fatalmente diferentes. Nós não conseguimos afastar as medidas da nossa (in)diferença. Vivemos incoerentemente assim. Pelo menos, não nos prejudicamos com as nossas mútuas incoerências. Acho que nascemos para manter este vínculo natural de forma filosoficamente imoral. Não nos deixamos disfrutar.

Luís Gonçalves Ferreira
29/07/2009

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